I have learned so many things in the last year, a journey of self-actualization if you will. In retrospect its strange I thought I knew who I was, what I stood for, and what I wanted out of life. Its strange now how goals, ideas, and perception can change~it can mold itself into whatever we need it to be. In the last year I have had to let go of preconceived ideas, and change the mold I have been living in. Oliver Wilde says, “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” So my mask is on....
Some people who know me know that I have struggled with eating disorders since I was a teenager. I struggle with them because society has put a label on what pretty is, what a woman should look like. So this year has been really hard for me. I have struggled with my weight since I have my babies. Its strange because my whole life i was so thin, eat what I want, do what I want with no consequences. Then all the sudden you have gained 100 pounds and two kids, stretch marks, and wide hips. Would I change it, absolutely not! My children are the most real and honest thing I have ever done. However, my mind said stop eating. I started working out in Mississippi and through unhealthy habits I did loose about 70 pounds. We moved here to Arizona and I gained 20 pounds back. So, in my mind the one thing that has always worked is anorexia. "do eat, don't eat" it was my mantra. I started working out again, but I wasn't seeing the weight loss and it becomes very frustrating. I get very down on myself. This battle has been forging on for a long time now. Which leads me to the next thing I have learned. Have a little faith in me. I want to say I woke up one day and had an epiphany, however that's not really the case. I started CrossFit 10 months ago. Swear this is the truth I have never had so much negativity from people as when I told them I was doing CrossFit. I don't know if its the be all end all of workout programs but I cannot say what this process has done for me without crying. When I started CrossFit I was to afraid of everything, I was afraid to try. I am no longer afraid to try. I struggle everyday and its OK. Its OK to have a bad workout, its OK to fail as long as I am learning in the process. Have I lost a ton of weight? Absolutely not. Do I have a LONG way to go? ABSOLUTELY but like the coach has been telling me from month one "trust the process". three words, but they mean so much to me. From CrossFit I have worked really hard on my eating disorders. I am not cure it will probably be something I always struggle with. But, the biggest thing is I have learned women are beautiful no matter how big or small they are. Its beautiful to watch women find themselves through the process get PR's they didn't think they could make. Beauty is not singular, there is no one right model, size, or person. I think our beauty comes from our strength as a person. So, while CrossFit is not right for everyone I can say 10 months later I have grown so much as a person than with most anything else I can try because I learned not to be afraid, let go, "trust the process". Another thing I have learned and this was a pretty hard lesson. My husband and I were fighting as most couples do we have been married almost 8 years its never perfect. I told him the day before my house burnt down that I was just exhausted with being his partner. I was in a bad mood that day. I rarely say things I don't mean everyone who knows me knows I am a brutally honest person. This has taught me we can say things very quickly but sometimes the wounds take longer to heal. Well I swear the next day I came home at 5 pm to eat dinner with my kids and my house was gone. I don' t know how to describe that feeling. Michael and I have worked so hard for what we have and what we have given our children and it was just gone. My dog, my baby...he didn't make it and I don't know when that will be OK in my head and heart maybe never. But while I stood there with my husband crying I though I am not exhausted with him as a partner I am frustrated with myself. I cant take back things I say and sometimes I need to deliver my message with other peoples feelings in mind. Yes I am brutally honest but I can add some finesse into what I am saying and remember not everyone responds to things the way that I do. Back to the fire. I found that people are pretty amazing. Michael and I are very self reliant I wouldn't ask someone for a pack of sugar. So when our house burnt down I had a really hard time accepting peoples generosity not because I wasn't thankful but because I didn't know how to pay that forward. I have found that even when you have nothing we have so very much. I have an amazing community of friends, family, and acquaintances.
I am 29 now and I feel like I know who I am as a person. In no way do I think that I am going to stop growing as a person, but I know who I want to be. I didn't always anyone who knew me long ago knows that. I use my laughter to hide when I am uncomfortable, or sad. I am goofy and silly. I am full of anxiety. I cannot function without a plan. I love my kids, I love them with a fierceness you don't know you have until you have them. I am fiercely loyal to my friends, I love my husband on his good and bad days and he loves me when I am driving him crazy with my plans. I am so very blessed. Not blessed with material things blessed with things a lot of people have and take for granite. And its ok if I am a little over weight, its ok to suck at my burpees for the day. Its ok to be human, to make mistakes. I am going to keep trusting the process. "We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they traveled from the point where they started." Henry Beecher
So, taking my mask off now. But just know that the struggles we find outselves in lend to who we are in the end. I cannot and will not let my failures define me as a person rather lend thing to my growth.
"Life's not about how hard of a hit you can give... it's about how many you can take, and still keep moving forward.”
Monday, February 17, 2014
Monday, April 15, 2013
SPRING HAS SPRUNG!
Well we Boones find that Spring is here, the peach trees in our yard are budding, the roses are in a colorful array, the pool is nearly 75 degrees, and of course we have planted our garden. Ah yes, there is something quite beautifully peaceful about spring. We have been having so much fun. Hannah is in English riding for horses now the lady says Hannah is a natural. Hannah just had her 6th birthday I know where did the time go? Isabella is a month away from 3, and she will be going into gymnastics. Michael just celebrated his 1 year at work so he is a GS 12-2. We are super duper proud of him. I have been hitting the gym hard core. I am back to running again. I am committed to this healthier lifestyle we are about 20 weeks in and I feel great. We just started crossfit and I am excited for a challenge, I am excited to see what I can really push my body to do. Life has been good. We leave for vacation in like 2 months to the FL Keys, Islamadora to be precise. I CANNOT wait I was not made to live in the deserts of AZ> I am made for FL waters, humidity, and sunshine. I guess that catches everyone up. We have been crazy busy and loving life. I am so blessed.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Battles
If I am being honest it has been a while since I have had a battle of any sorts.
David McKay said, "the most important of life's battles is the one we fight in the chambers of our souls." My soul lately has been hush, hush. A tranquility has set it or so I thought. Perhaps there has been a small battle brewing for some time. An inner demon that needs a worthy adversary. The soul is there to fight the battles of my heart and mind. My seas again feel stormy, my life feels like it is in quiet turmoil. The ship while not capsized, is slowly lulling away. I am not sure if I can pinpoint the eye of the storm, however, I think it may have something to do with the feeling of being stagnate. A lack of direction, a misplaced compass-I wish due north was a direction. I think I need to wage this battle, rock my ship, steer it in another course. Maybe not due north as I have always sailed in my own direction, but I need to pick a direction. Fight this feeling of of being stagnate. I have a purpose and at 28 I think its time I figured it out, plotted it on a map, battle this inner chamber of my soul.
David McKay said, "the most important of life's battles is the one we fight in the chambers of our souls." My soul lately has been hush, hush. A tranquility has set it or so I thought. Perhaps there has been a small battle brewing for some time. An inner demon that needs a worthy adversary. The soul is there to fight the battles of my heart and mind. My seas again feel stormy, my life feels like it is in quiet turmoil. The ship while not capsized, is slowly lulling away. I am not sure if I can pinpoint the eye of the storm, however, I think it may have something to do with the feeling of being stagnate. A lack of direction, a misplaced compass-I wish due north was a direction. I think I need to wage this battle, rock my ship, steer it in another course. Maybe not due north as I have always sailed in my own direction, but I need to pick a direction. Fight this feeling of of being stagnate. I have a purpose and at 28 I think its time I figured it out, plotted it on a map, battle this inner chamber of my soul.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
This is Halloween
Is it fall already? Oh let the Christmas shopping begin MOMMY cannot wait I love over indulgence for the holidays. I cannot wait Grandma and Grandpa are flying in less than a month and they will be here for 3 weeks. Papa Boone and his new wife will be flying in around the end of October. Its always nice to have family come to stay the kids miss them. Michael has finished everything for the FAA in order to be hired now you have to have psych evals so that is the last thing we are waiting on should have that done in the next two weeks. That is the last thing they are waiting for. He was discharged October 4th, so we are excited about that another part of our lives we will look fondly at in the past. He did his 10 years and we are all very proud of him. Kids are getting big fast. Hannah is so smart. Isabella is a CHATTERBOX! We just got back from our vacation with our friends we went to the Grand Canyon, Flagstaff, and Sedona. I will never get over how beautiful these things were. I have been to many countries, lived a lot of places, it is nice to see things that still surprise me, the Grand Canyon was stunning! How can people say there is no God when you see things that beautiful? WE stayed almost a whole week it was needed. I told my husband you drug me all the way to Arizona you better take me to see the Grand Canyon. Of course hes an awesome husband and he did. WE are anticipating Halloween going to get our costumes this weekend. Isabella just wants to be Jack off Nightmare before Christmas I am so over watching that movie...kids are obsessive at best. WEll I think that brings everyone up to speed I am gonna do another book blog again soon. I am way over 300 books now. Love you all
Thursday, September 27, 2012
3 words for the day
1. Inspire-to affect, there are many ways to put this word into motion and many things that seek to inspire us everyday. Yesterday while at the park there was the most amazing sky painted with pinks and purples I was inspired to write, to take a picture, and remember all the gifts that God gives us everyday. Inspiration comes from big, small, and sometimes unseen things. I am inspired to wake up everyday and be a great mother to my girls because when I look at them I know that they deserve nothing less. I want to inspire other people to understand someone always has it worse than you and you an overcome and be better than your circumstances. “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” (the Alchemist). Not only should we be looking for inspiration we should be giving inspiration.
2. Instill-implant/infuse. I want to instill free will, love, patients, freedom, change, etc..that list just goes on and on. We are the catalyst for change but we have to start to instill that change, motivate the masses, and be determined to see the implant grow. What we instill into this world will be our legacy. I want God to instill his will into my life, and my families life. I want to instill into my family the importance of good will and living up to what you are meant to be. The idea of instilling something small and watching it grow over time is and can be most rewarding.
3. Motivate-to provide incentive. Walt Disney said, "If you can dream it you can do it". We need motivaters to start instilling and inspiring people. Sometimes a gentle nudge is all a person needs to succed. sometimes all they need is for one person to believe in them. Can you imagine the good you can do if you just motivate one person it can be a domino effect. Motivation to start a diet, finish school, join a sport, be a better person, etc.... motivation is hard to find sometimes but it is always there if you know where to look.
2. Instill-implant/infuse. I want to instill free will, love, patients, freedom, change, etc..that list just goes on and on. We are the catalyst for change but we have to start to instill that change, motivate the masses, and be determined to see the implant grow. What we instill into this world will be our legacy. I want God to instill his will into my life, and my families life. I want to instill into my family the importance of good will and living up to what you are meant to be. The idea of instilling something small and watching it grow over time is and can be most rewarding.
3. Motivate-to provide incentive. Walt Disney said, "If you can dream it you can do it". We need motivaters to start instilling and inspiring people. Sometimes a gentle nudge is all a person needs to succed. sometimes all they need is for one person to believe in them. Can you imagine the good you can do if you just motivate one person it can be a domino effect. Motivation to start a diet, finish school, join a sport, be a better person, etc.... motivation is hard to find sometimes but it is always there if you know where to look.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
September
Well Falls coming the cold air is pushing down the mountains here in Arizona. I am ready for apples and fall baking! Such an exciting time. Michael will be getting his orders for discharge they said by next week (YEAH!) after 10 years no more ties to the USAF! They are honorably discharging with severance pay. We prayed a lot for the answers and I feel like we are where we are supposed to be in life. The FAA has everything they need we are waiting on the firm offer letter of course the school is so back logged I am sure we will be in Arizona at least another year. But will be HAPPY to be back on the east coast. We have a trip with our friends and their kids to Sedona/and the Grand Canyon in October for a week and I cannot describe how excited I am to see something so beautiful. I will be taking hundreds of pics while we are here we will make the most of it. Had Hannahs 1st parent teacher conference and shes apparently doing amazing (DUH!) Isabella has an amazing vocab on her and they are just such joys in my life. Not sure who I was before I was a mommy. Other than that I have a test next week for a job as a Juvenile Detention Officer. Hopefully that will pan out but I will be sad if it does because I will loose so much time with my family. I am guilt ridden because we don't really need the money but I need to get some experience and an audience outside a 2 and 5 year old. Anyhow lots of great things going on and coming our way looking forward to the holidays ahead and family thats flying out here. LOVE YOU ALL!
BOOKS!
So, I am reader! An avid one at that. There is nothing like a book that has the ability to move you in time, make you cry, laugh, and feel. So here are a few of my recent favorites that I hope can provide something for you. This is in no way a representation of what I have read just a few of my favs I cannot like over 200 books from the last 4 months but I hope these will encourage you to buff up your library. There is something about reading that worms its way into your soul.
1. The Taker (#1)/The Reckoning (#2) from the Taker Trilogy by Alma Katsu-these are an amazing set of books that I COULD not put down.
2. Wicked Appetite/Wicked Business, from the Lizzy and Diesel Series by Janet Evanovich. She is a really good writer of course she did all the Stephanie Plum books as week. But these two books have more to come.
3. Accidentally in Love With a God (#1), Accidentally married to a Vampire (#2), Sun God seeks a Surrogate (#3), by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff . OK these books are really good and funny at the same time there will be more to come in this series, but this is a funny series.
4. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, what an good book its like psychology met a sort of love story. I think its different and a more mature read.
5. The whole Jeaniene Frost series about Cat and Bones its the Night Huntress Series I LOVED the whole series I think so far there are 5 or 6 I have read them all and every one of them and they are all funny and the love story is just as odd as the couple.
6. Sweet Talk by Julie Garwood, I like her style could be that my major is in criminal justice that I like this one its a copper love story but well written.
7. A Discovery of Witches (#1)/Shadow of the NIght (#2) by Deborah Harkness REALLY GOOD SERIES!!
8. Molly Harper she wrote a series (Care and feeding of Stray Vampires, Nice Girls Dont Bite their Nieghbors.....) ok if you find anything written by Harper she is so FUNNY! I found myself laughing out loud at this series and I love when I find a writer thats able to do that I have 6 books from that series so funny.
9. The Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, I like True Blood and all but the books are SO much better as they so often are. This is a long series and my only complaint is the books are kind of expensive if you plan on reading the whole series I think on Nook they are each $7.99 so that adds up when there are over 9 books in the series.
10. Slammed (#1)/ Point of Retreat by Coleen Hoover, ok this are really "grown up" books like reading Date or something but I think they have a fundamental sweetness behind them and I loved the idea of the Slam poetry that was in the book It was a light fun read
11. If I were You by Lisa Renee Jones, this is a good and better written erotic book that Shades of Grey. Shes a really good writer the second part of the story is not out yet but I assure you it will be GOOD.
12. The Rose Garden, by Susanna Kearsley In the beginning this book was a little confusing and I almost gave up on it but by the end I was enamored with her writing and the style of the book. its a good mix of past and present that has an lovely love story. Stick thru the book it will pay off.
13. Rainshadow Road (#1)/Dream Lake (#2) by LIsa Kleypas. LOVE THESE BOOKS! beautiful love story.
14. Taken (#1)/ No Takebacks (#2) by Kelli Maine-OOHHH good books I am so anxious to see what happens in number 3. its sexy, fun, well written, all in one
15. H.P. Mallory LOVE HER WRITING CANNOT SAY ENOUGH I read her whole Dulcie ONeil Series and loved it wish she was ready with the 5th book but alas the woes of waiting on publishing. She also did the Jolie Wilkins Series her next book in that series I think comes out on the 25th of this month AMAZING SERIES!! I find myself rooting for two potential loves and not sure who I would pick cannot say enough about her writing she's amazing and both series are awesome.
16. Beautiful Disaster, by Jamie McGuire another awesome book
17. Auschwitz, I am a history minor so this was a really good book from the other side.
18. Gabriels Inferno (#1)/ Gabriels Rapture (#2) by Sylvain Reynard oh I was so sad when this series ended. I love Dantes Inferno and these books use a lot of Dante inferences and I enjoyed being challenged at the understanding as anyone who has read Dante's Inferno knows. You will enjoy these books.
19. The Guild Hunter Series by Nalini Singh awesome books about vampires being enslaved to the Angels. An interesting new take on angels and vampires. Singh keeps you engrossed through the whole series I think there are 5 in the series now a new one just come out but I haven't read it yet.
20. The Best of Me, Nicholas Sparks-ok I cried on this one but who doesn't when they read Sparks....a tear jerker for sure
SO here are 20 series/books that I think people should give a chance. I have SO MANY more but I narrowed down the top 20. If you can read you can think for yourself, you can inspire others, you can come to your own understanding.
1. The Taker (#1)/The Reckoning (#2) from the Taker Trilogy by Alma Katsu-these are an amazing set of books that I COULD not put down.
2. Wicked Appetite/Wicked Business, from the Lizzy and Diesel Series by Janet Evanovich. She is a really good writer of course she did all the Stephanie Plum books as week. But these two books have more to come.
3. Accidentally in Love With a God (#1), Accidentally married to a Vampire (#2), Sun God seeks a Surrogate (#3), by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff . OK these books are really good and funny at the same time there will be more to come in this series, but this is a funny series.
4. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, what an good book its like psychology met a sort of love story. I think its different and a more mature read.
5. The whole Jeaniene Frost series about Cat and Bones its the Night Huntress Series I LOVED the whole series I think so far there are 5 or 6 I have read them all and every one of them and they are all funny and the love story is just as odd as the couple.
6. Sweet Talk by Julie Garwood, I like her style could be that my major is in criminal justice that I like this one its a copper love story but well written.
7. A Discovery of Witches (#1)/Shadow of the NIght (#2) by Deborah Harkness REALLY GOOD SERIES!!
8. Molly Harper she wrote a series (Care and feeding of Stray Vampires, Nice Girls Dont Bite their Nieghbors.....) ok if you find anything written by Harper she is so FUNNY! I found myself laughing out loud at this series and I love when I find a writer thats able to do that I have 6 books from that series so funny.
9. The Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, I like True Blood and all but the books are SO much better as they so often are. This is a long series and my only complaint is the books are kind of expensive if you plan on reading the whole series I think on Nook they are each $7.99 so that adds up when there are over 9 books in the series.
10. Slammed (#1)/ Point of Retreat by Coleen Hoover, ok this are really "grown up" books like reading Date or something but I think they have a fundamental sweetness behind them and I loved the idea of the Slam poetry that was in the book It was a light fun read
11. If I were You by Lisa Renee Jones, this is a good and better written erotic book that Shades of Grey. Shes a really good writer the second part of the story is not out yet but I assure you it will be GOOD.
12. The Rose Garden, by Susanna Kearsley In the beginning this book was a little confusing and I almost gave up on it but by the end I was enamored with her writing and the style of the book. its a good mix of past and present that has an lovely love story. Stick thru the book it will pay off.
13. Rainshadow Road (#1)/Dream Lake (#2) by LIsa Kleypas. LOVE THESE BOOKS! beautiful love story.
14. Taken (#1)/ No Takebacks (#2) by Kelli Maine-OOHHH good books I am so anxious to see what happens in number 3. its sexy, fun, well written, all in one
15. H.P. Mallory LOVE HER WRITING CANNOT SAY ENOUGH I read her whole Dulcie ONeil Series and loved it wish she was ready with the 5th book but alas the woes of waiting on publishing. She also did the Jolie Wilkins Series her next book in that series I think comes out on the 25th of this month AMAZING SERIES!! I find myself rooting for two potential loves and not sure who I would pick cannot say enough about her writing she's amazing and both series are awesome.
16. Beautiful Disaster, by Jamie McGuire another awesome book
17. Auschwitz, I am a history minor so this was a really good book from the other side.
18. Gabriels Inferno (#1)/ Gabriels Rapture (#2) by Sylvain Reynard oh I was so sad when this series ended. I love Dantes Inferno and these books use a lot of Dante inferences and I enjoyed being challenged at the understanding as anyone who has read Dante's Inferno knows. You will enjoy these books.
19. The Guild Hunter Series by Nalini Singh awesome books about vampires being enslaved to the Angels. An interesting new take on angels and vampires. Singh keeps you engrossed through the whole series I think there are 5 in the series now a new one just come out but I haven't read it yet.
20. The Best of Me, Nicholas Sparks-ok I cried on this one but who doesn't when they read Sparks....a tear jerker for sure
SO here are 20 series/books that I think people should give a chance. I have SO MANY more but I narrowed down the top 20. If you can read you can think for yourself, you can inspire others, you can come to your own understanding.
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