Moving on...

LOOK AT MY AMAZING FAMILY! HOW BLESSED AM I?

So finally i feel like i can move on. I finally am dealing with my issues with Guy. It has hung with me this hatred like a sack of potatoes on my back. It is hard hating someone so much. Not to mention everytime someone yells or gets mad I have to wonder. Abuse does strange things to a person who thought they were so strong. I realized I am not I am quite fragile. Which was so hard for me. I am not unbreakable. So Instead of dealing with thta after my divorce I turned it into constructive hate. Heres the thing I love Michael so so so much and my family and my girls. And I would have never had those things being married to him. So I didn't want that luggage anymore. Michael always supports me he said if you need to fly there and confront him you do that. He knows how profoundly that abuse changed my life. So my solution email him (much cheaper a solution). I didn't care about his response just needed to get it out told him he didn't even have to read it I was doing it for me. I never got that closure to tell him how what he did affected me so badly. So I did. and of course he responded. He was quite plesant. I wont share the email, but it was nice. i finally feel free of all of that. Free to continue on with my life happy and healthy with my family. I have to believe the awful things he did to me always come back to that person. I pride myself on being a good person espceially to others and I maintain that no matter what some man did to me. I am strong.

I can't believe August will be 4 years married. WoW! We have the most amazing two daughters. Hee thinks we need more, my body disagrees. I can't to see who they are in life. I hope to inspire them and help them to be strong women also. LIfe is good, its too short, but it is so good.

Harumph!

I think Dr. Seuss said it best in "OH the places you will go" when he said, "I'm sorry to say sobut, sadly, it's trueand Hang-upscan happen to you.You can get all hung upin a prickle-ly perch.And your gang will fly on.You'll be left in a Lurch.You'll come down from the Lurchwith an unpleasant bump.And the chances are, then,that you'll be in a Slump."
A slump huh.... I guess that's true. but in the end I choose to go and move my mountain. Life sometimes isn't easy but its the only one we have. I have endured so many hardships in my life and I am so proud to have the two most amazing daughters in the world. It's like Martina McBrides song, In my daughters eyes...its true I know who I want to be and need to be for them. I can't expain the love the endless depths that I would go to for them, anyone who is a mother can attest to that. I often wonder if men feel the same way as mothers do, do they love their children the same way, not to say that they don't love them, but do they love them like we do? Life is full of many questions and unanswered prayers, but my children are the greatest gift in the whole world. When I die I want my children to remember me as a strong woman who never gave up, loved them more than life, and was the best mother that I could be. The rest is irrelevant. How much money I make, or how big my house is doesnt matter. Anyhow it's late and I need to go to bed, it isn't easy getting out of a lurch, but indeed its true I will, I always do.

Today is your day!Your mountain is waiting.So...get on your way!

WHEW

What a hot summer! I can't believe it is just the official start of summer considering its been in the 90's here for a while. These are the days I miss NC's heat and not humidity. Its too hot to take the kids out so we are sort of stuffed up here in the house. We go out to play in the late afternoons, it sort of sucks. We are outdoor people. The baby can't really go in the sun at all shes too young for sunscreen, its not recommended until they are 6 months old. So here we are in the house Michael is mowing the grass Hannah is chaing the dog with the mop and he is jumping and trying to get away from her. Baby is sleeping I am doing laundry. I guess this is why it is called the "lazy days of summer"

Happy Fathers Day

So I want to send out a happy fathers day to everyone who is lucky enough to have children, they are such a blessing. My husband is a great father to both his girls, they are luck to have him. My father and I are not super close never have been and probably never will be but I love him all the same and appreciate him. He is a great man. We had a fun day> i made a huge breakfast for him and the girls in bed. Then we played in the bed for like 2 hours goofing off. We got showered ate lunch and went shopping bought these great girls some new toys. It was a very peaceful say. The girls bought him a 270 piece tool set Craftsman from Sears and a rolling tool cart thing. He of course was super happy. Hannah made him the cutest card, and I bought some too. All-on-all i think it was a pretty good day! Gonna relax with my little chiquitas. Hannah has her first light bright and she is so amped about it. They are quite different from those blazing hot metal tubes we use to have

life in the fast lane

Chin up, chin up

everybody loves a happy face

wear it, share it

it'll brighten up the darkest place

Twinkle, Sparkle

Let a little sunshine in

You'll be on the right side,

Looking at the bright side

up with your chinny chin chin

So I guess thats how I am feeling. I am so tired on the inside, but know that I just need to keep smiling. I don't think a lot of people talk about after the baby, but I am here to tell you it is a roller coaster. Your homones drop off like a cliff not to mention I already have a thyroid that is underactive and doesn't function. With that I started off with BAD baby blues, not because I don't love my kids, but it was a feeling I am not doing enough for them, I am neglecting one if I am with the other...this went on for a while. Now I have this anxious feeling like I am not sure I know what I am susposed to be doing. I don't like it I am a planned, organized on the go person. I think since I have had the baby I have had like 2 naps and even they were interuppted. I keep telling Michael I just want to feel like myself again. i try to be the least lazy person I know and it is killing me to feel like I am not doing or being enough. I think this time around is a lot harder than with Hannah probably because I have two and i have an overwhelming guilty feeling. I know this will get better, but I just keep wondering when. I have a very supportive husband and great kids. I just wish there was a cure all pill that would make me me again. Who am I if I am not me? Maybe I need 5 classes again and a plate full of things to do then I would feel more normal. Not that I have ever been completly normal :) So buyer beware! this making kids stuff doesn't come without pause, and really hard work. I love them so much. I told Michael how do I know I will love her I love Hannah so much it is unfathomable to think I could love another the same way. He jokes about it like the Grinch my heart grew two sizes that day. HA HA! But it really did. And I love them both more than I can put into words. I am just adjusting. Oh well I was just venting. throwing it out into cyber space. Love you guys.

catch up

SO, lots have happened since that last LARGE belly pic, believe me it got much bigger. We have welcomed Miss Isabella Marie Boone on May 17, 2010 via C Section. She was 8 lbs 12 ozs and just perfect. She is about a month old now (i know been busy). Hannah loves her big sister, and their bond never ceases to amaze me. Hannah is so BIG, she is a walking talking little diva. We got their pics done, a great photographer Brooke Montroy, when Bella was like a week old they came out so good. Of course it helps your kids are so freckin cute.

Haven't been getting much sleep. I did the whold breast feeding thing for 3 weeks and it just wasn't much fun and I made the decision to stop. Hannah was a formula baby and she is just perfect. But little bit gets up about 2-3 times in the cycle of a night. I don't want Michael to get up he works too hard that man needs his rest. We are women and can carry the weight of the world. HA! Thats why we have the babies. I had another C section and i think it was easier this time around.

Other than that graduated from college starting USM in the fall. I am so close I can taste it. Michael also got his AA, from CCAF and he is working on his BA at Embry Riddle. My smart man. We have decided we don't really want to stay in the Air Force life is too short to be doing something you'd rather not. He has had a great career in the USAF, but all good things must come to an end he was offered a job in the FAA and we couldn't get out so we are hoping again that we can get a great job and get outta here. He will have served his country almost 12 years, and has many awards and accomodations. The FAA offers great pay and out weights stay in the military.

Thats life around here trying to stay cold its so HOT here. Life is really good. Not much more to say. I am bored without having like 100 things on my plate, but it is kind of nice to just be able to focus on the family this summer. I hope this quickly catches everyone up, I have a ton to do today. Getting ready to dress the girls up in their matching flag dresses for flag day and go see Michael at work, and then lunch. Loev you guys.

I feel so prego

Oh lordy I feel so prego this time around, I am 26 weeks and I feel like a monstrosity. I love that I can make these beautiful babies, but it is so rough. I think it is so much easier the first time around you can nap, and rest, and really take time to enjoyit, I have a very rambunctious almost three year old who runs me ragged, plus I take pride in being an amazing wife, I try to do everything for my family. I pity the people who can't have babies that

deserve them. It is the greatest thing in the world.

Valentines was amazing Hannah loved her stuff she said "no way mommy, thank you for grocery shopping for me" I love her she is so funny she told me the other day she was out of cigarettes (BE is now quitting). I got Michael a big bag of stuff, he bought me a red HP laptop 10" I have a t17 inch but its so big its a widescreen, he has a 9" too small then we have our desktop so he got me a 10.5" perfet just like him.

so we sold our boat we don't get to go out on it much and we want a bigger one, right now it isn't feesable, but when we leave here we are getting a BIG boat. Hopefully we get FL, thats what we are aiming for we have 2 years left here, I will have my degree, he just finished his CCAF degree yesterday. The whole point in coming here was to have 3-4 years to get eerything in order to buy our home, get a base we want, we have no debt but our cars we don't have credit cards and stuff. Dont need them. Oh and to get as far away from the losers (you know who you are) at Seymour, that place is a dirt hole. Everything is going so good. So anyhow he got rid of his boat and bought a motorcycle. This has caused some controversy, the way I look at it is thats my husband he can do whatever makes him happy, as long as he is as safe as he can be in that situation. I don't tell my husband what to do I just stand behind him, i didn't tell him to sell him boat I wasn't there when the money was exchanged. I didn't get out when he bought the motorcycle. Both men and women need to be able to make their decisions. If there were something I wanted to do he would be my biggest fan. Just support your spouses. I cna't believe in a few months we will have been married 4 years, as happy as we were the day we married. I am always so excited to see what our lives have in store for us, we are so blessed look at my babies. oh speaking of if you ahven't heard it yet you must listen to Josh turners "I'll be there" amazing

Anyhow last semester it seems like it is slugging along adn I am so not interested in it at all I do however still want to grduate with high honors so I am at least giving 75%. Well over and out i am making Michael a homemade Pimento and Cheese sandwich for lunch ( i know its a southern thing) I will not be partaking in that lunch. Love you bitches

tired

hmmmm..... is it normal to be sick for 2 damn weeks? NO I DONT think so. I hope to feel better soon, too much to be done to be sick. I can't wait for baby shopping with aliana on the 19th. YEAH! Mobile here we come. tomorrow is out with the Hoovs. I am tired, Hannah got me up at 6:20,I swear one day I am going to sleep till 7, not really I don't think i could sleep thta long with the opportunity and we dont go to bed before 11, I am so tired. Gonna try to go to bed by 10 tonight. get some rest my body needs it.

WoW!

Well it has been a while I shut down my blog just don't really have the time to do it, I am going to give it a better effort. So much has been going on and so much is coming up.

Who knew parenting would be this much fun? Hannah has a scarf and she is pulling the computer chiar around telling me "me so strong mommy"She is going to be 3 in April and just the thought brings me to tears. My baby is all grown up. I try to dress her she tells me no mommy I'll do it. I didn't know it was going to go by so fast. She has been completly potty trained since Thanksgiving. She is in a big girl bed now. Wearing a 3T, 37 lbs 37 inches tall...boy we are in trouble.I was crying the other day I have been so sick and their is no relief and I was so tired of days with no sleep I sat on the steps with Michael and had a good cry, Hannah came up behind me and said "it'll be ok Mommy I love you." Cause i sing Marley to her..."no worries every little things gonna be alright.." I felt better instantly

She is so exctied about baby Isabella. She looks at my tummy and tells me so big mommy, baby can come out now me rock it night night. I think we are all pretty excited about a new baby in the house. I just feel so guilty never want Hannah to think she isn't the most important thing in the world. Bell is 25 weeks now, growing fast and strong. They will deliver her at 39 weeks another C-section as much as I ma dreading it they are very advantagious.

We are getting ready to do Hannahs bday party Princess and the Frog is the theme this year and as always it will be amazing we bought her a ball gown and white lace gloves.

I am on my last semester graduating in May, I am taking 5 classes and feeling super stressed about it, not really only micro it isn't at all what I thought it would be. I am just ready to be done. Then USM in the fall. Then how do I juggle? I will have a 3 month old, a 3 year old I want a job for adult interaction probably in the evenings so my kids aren't in daycare their daddy can watch them. And full time university???? Just the though causes me much anxiety. Somehow I will do it I always do and I have a super supportive hubby. He is getting his CCAF degree this month so proud of him, all A's. He is then going to finish his BA at Embry Riddle hopefully before we leave here.

Speaking of Michael what an amazing man God blessed me when he brought him into my life. I can't believe in a short time we will have been married 4 years. We are at such a great place in our marriage and life. He is my biggest fan and I am his. I know he is always here for me and would do anything in the world for me and our family. Not many people have that, I never had that in my other marriages we are mutually respectful of each other we have never in 4 years called each other a name. EVER! Proud of that. Anyhow i am so proud of him, he is an amazing man.

So that is what is going on now. we are looking forward to the summer we are going to Myrtle Beach I think in August to stay with Maria and Jason on the beach at their family beach house. The kids will love it a week of fun in the sun. So much to look forward to. I love my life. I can't wait for Vday I have their gifts all done up and wrapped so cute. So it is good to be back blogging I hope i can keep it up we shall see.