Figured it out

Oh my goodness to say that I am drowning is an understatement. I love the people who have enough time to sit around and be self proclaimed "lazy". I am exhausted. I get up at 5:30 am go to the gym home by 7 am when the girls are up. I get my babies fed and I take a shower (Michael is usually up also) then I get dressed its kissed goodbye to the family and I am off to school for the day. I am home everyday by 2:30 so Michael can be to work by 3pm (so I can go to school during the days) I see him maybe 15-20 minutes in passing. He comes home for dinner from 6-7. He works till Midnight, some nights we even have cheerleading in the mix. I have 6 classes, so when the girls are in bed at 8, its pick up the house a bit do last minutes stuff sit here and do reading and papers until midnight when MIchael gets home and its back to the same thing the next day. Now I have to add in making my LSAT amazing, and making my take me to law school application amazing also. I have to maintain my 4.0 so I can getinto whatever law school we end up being near. Michael works 2 jobs, and is also finishing his BA degree online, and we are just exhausted. This is a lot. I also have an 8month old (very active and very sick this week) and an almost 4 year old (also very active and very sick this week). I keep wondering when it is going ot be out time to be "lazy". I think for the first time in 26 years (yes I have aged another year) that I am just ready to call it all quits and take a damn break. I just want my kids to see school is good, you can do it..you can do anything you set your mind to. I also go on weekends and buy pizzas and deliver them to the homeless. I have to start saying no, or I have to cut something, or God needs to rethink his 24 hours in a day plan and extend it by at least 2 more hours. I wish I were rich enough to be senile. Oh well, thats my rant. Thats my rave. Now its time to get off my soap box pull my big girls panties up and keep dealing with it. Bella is crawling around the house crying wanting mommy to hold her, and hannah wants me to cuddle with her...if only I had another me. Wouldn't that be great. Good day!

26 and still counting...

So we just surpassed the big 26 years old. I have to say that I don't feel any different.We never do do we. Its not life at the stroke of midnight my body and mind go through some magical mystical change. Still, it seems to be a mind set that comes along with birthdays. 25 was a pretty good year, had another baby...my body is still worn down from that, but luckily in the 26th year there will be a laserlipo tummy tuck to fix the damage of a c section, having my scar removed and it will be relocated, and having the flap of skin thats created removed. While I feel like the most guilty person in the world to spend that amount of money on myself, I feel like its a necessary move in order to mentally procure my happiness. I love my kids more than anything in teh world, I just had really big babies who stretched my skin. I saw the dr, and he said no amount of exercise would get rid of the "flap" of skin. So this year, my 26th year, I am going to make a better body creating a better mental state. THeres nothing worse than being down about your body. So its back to the gym, I need to start training for a career in law enforcement (DEA) I have a personal trainer, a gyn (that I never go to) so everyday after class on my way home I am committing to the gym for a minimum of 1 hour. Its really hard when we are so busy to commit that time. I have 5 more classes to finish this semester, and mentally I am ready. WE are also no eating out for 1 month. WE lost a lot of weight doing that last time, and we saved a ton of money. The majority of our money goes to eating out. (WHY?) WE did it once before and it was really hard, we all become dependant, but my kids need a healthier way of eaing and living also. Break the fast food chain. So I am excited this year about 26, I am hoping its my year of resolve.

Cynicism...

Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness."

~Charlie Chaplin

I would like to think that I am not a cynical person. I like to feel like I have a ton of humanity...but as people we are all clever and perhaps we have fooled outselfs into thinkning that we are good, noble, kind people.Perhaps we aren't-I am sure with every good deed there are ten to replace them. Maybe cynicism is all in the way that the person or people percieve it to be. Maybe what I think it is is not how another person takes it to be. With anything in life there is the grey and white side to everything. There isn't anything black and white theres always a medium. So are you cynical or just having a bad day?

Liberation

      What is Liberation? It is at its simplest for freedom. Emancipation of expression. We all like to say we are liberated people, we are forward thinking, open minded people. Is that really true? Are we ever really liberated from society. Society has set a standard they have inadvertently taken away our freedoms to openly talk, and discuss the hard stuff out of fear of not being politically correct.

      The beauty of being people isn't that we should be stifled, but that we should be rejoiced as individuals. We don't all have to believe in gay marriage (but we should all be tolerable) We don't all have to like the president, there should an allowance for a difference of opinion, and way of thinking. We still cannot openly discuss things like race because it fuels turmoil, why can't we have a candid conversation about race on any cultural background. We cannot let words tear down nations, tear down people, being descriptive and different sometimes can yield new resolve. f we keep having the same old conversations, the same oppressed conversation there will never be a change. We should not tiptoe around words in fear of our liberation being taken away or being martyred as a fool. In 2011 we should all try to liberate ourselves from being oppressed of saying the things that are on our minds. Set your words free, make new ideas, stir up change in an otherwise stagnate pond.

      Albert Einstein said, “The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self.” Who cares if people don't agree they don't have to that's their freedom and right, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't have the conversations that matter.

WoW another yeah already?

So its 2011....I am so stinking excited about 2011 for my family.

2010 was amazing and I hate that it was over so fast. Hannah celebrated the big 3 years old, and has become the most beautiful, imaginative, astonishing child you will ever meet. We also welcomed Miss Isabella in May...what an amazing addition to our family. She is like an old soul she is sweet, caring, cuddly, and just a wonderful child. She is 7 months old now crawling. babbling, pulling up on everything..gone are the days of my nick nacs until she stops trying to digest everything she touches. I love to watch my daughters they love each other so much. There hasn't been any jealousy issues just so much pure love between sisters. Michael finished his AA in 2010 is almost done with his BA, he continues to thrive at work, and we are looking forward to ending out lifes with the military and moving to the civilian sector where we continue to get job opportunities. I finished my AA with 3 days to spare before Miss Bella was born. Graduation was great took the summer off and I am at USM now finishing my degree in Criminal Justice. Where I hope to get into the DEA or another agency. My future always seems so bright. But as any mother my priority is going to be my children and my husband. Michael has struggled with medical problems and I stay strong for him, and we know that the Lord always has our best interest at heart. Speaking of My husband we have been married over 4 years now and cannot wait for 5 this year. We have had minor setbacks as a couple but over the last 4 years we have learned to move together gracefully and inseperably.

So 2011, ITs gonna be a big year. I cannot divulge everything on here but I can say we are in for big change. we are hoping if its in Gods will to med board us out of the military before the n of the year-MIchael will leave for the desert for 1 year (who can turn down the amount of money they are offering) and then we will settle in the states where teh FAA sees fit. They still want us in Amarillo, but I dont want to be that far from family. Other big things in 2011, I get to see my lifey get married in May-yeah! So thats a trip to NC I am super excited we are making a 2 week trip out of it and staying at the beach for a week with Maria, Jason, and Jay. I cant' wait. Hannah will be starting school here in a few months, she is starting cheerleading. Isabella will be 1. WOW! We are all flyng to NC for spring break. ITs gonna be a good year, good change, good family and friends. I feel revitalized. I am having my tummy tuck get rid of this awful c section thing, loosing the weight from these two kids and getting back in teh gym paing for the membership might as well use it. SO our futures are bright. I am very excited about the new year and the improved us.