December

What an amazing month this has turned out to be. Michael is home for what was susposed to be his vacation his base he was working at in Al Asad Iraq closed and midwest was sending him to Kabul, Afghanistan. This decision has never rested well on my heart I don't have how much they were paying him it was not worth his life. So he was home on vacation planning to go back on Sunday and we got a call from a job in Fort Hachuka Arizona starting at GS 12, score. He is getting all the stuff done for that its really good pay and in the United States. Well he is also in Tennessee today being interviewed for a job in Jacksonville, FL center airport...awesome job. Of course anyone who knows the FAA knows these jobs take FOREVER so my husband upon completion of his paperwork for this army job will be going to Arizona. I am so excited for him hes an awesome well-roudned controller with pretty much everythign you can do or get in his career except running his own facility they were stupid if they didnt pick him.

School is out for the holidays and when we go back I will be in my final semeseter at USM and I will have my BA with honors in Criminal Justice. Hopfully when I join Michael in AZ I will be able to get on with the FEDS.

Christmas came a little early to the Boones in anticipation of him leaving to go back before Christmas we called Santa and he agreed to bring the kids their presents early. LOL! OMG there was so much stuff. SO MUCH! We spent all day opening boxes it took them 35 min just to unwrap all their gifts. We will be going to FL next week to spend christmas with the family as a family. I am pretty excited about that. Isbella is getting ready to be 1.5 yrs old an OMG she is a handful but she is SO smart really that is unbiased she is so smart. Hannah is over 4 and  half and she is the sweetest, kindest person I know but she is also hell on wheels. It has been an interesting and reflective year. I am so thankful we are out of the military (mostly, temprarily retired LOL!) we don't miss it we don't talk about it we just act like tse 10 yrs don't exist. My husband served 2 tours in Iraq in the military nd served his country honorably but that par of our life seems like forever ago I am so excited for 2012 things can only get better. I am excited about AZ a new chapter, I am excited about this FAA job in Jacksonville. When we walk with the Lord we stay in the light. Many blessing to everyone during their holidays we will be spending ours together as a family.

Thinking outloud

If I were to get in my car and drive, where would i go how would I survive?
I'd like to say I'd bring a map, but really who needs that?
A car, some gas, and crazy tunes
Up, Up, and away maybe the moon?
The destination is not important, its the ride that counts,
The laughter, the snacks, the epicure.
At the end of my rainbow I will come back
Because no matter where I go
My ruby red shoes lead me home.
Theres no place like home-thats a fact!
I;ll remember the tornado that lead me away
But in the end my heart says stay

End of October

Well October what a long 31 days. Aye! One month less to our future goals. Schools almost over 1 month of this semester left, one semester to go! YEAH! Lots of big things happening. The FAA has referred Michael for jobs throughout Florida and throughout North Carolina both places we would love to be NC more than FL as long as it isn't that crap hole SJAFB, losers (sorry, not our amazing friends there we love you). Until then hes been over there like 80 days and I am missing him every minute of every second of everyday, I just want him to be home with me we are never apart so this sucks. His base will be closing December 3rd and we are unsure weather we want to continue on over in Afganistan or not, by then we should hopefully have some answers from the FAA, I am unfortunatly stuck in Mississippi until May the 12th for grauduation.

The kids are doing amazing. Hannah is 4.5 now and so smart. Shes well past where she should be for Kindergarten next year. She loves singing and she loves her ballet/tap. Shes an amazing child when she isn't driving me crazy with her attitude she is all girl and so much like her momma LOL Her dance instructor said she is so observant. Duh shes gonna be brilliant like me also! Isabella is 17 months old now. My baby! She is SO smart I cannot put it into words she understands everyting she is speaking so well. Isabella is going to be my wild child. It is amazing how much they love each other. THere is such a bond between them. I love to hear Hannah whispering things to her and Isabella giggling. Amazing children I am so blessed.

Life is so busy here I am home with the little terrors all morning then I leave go to school till 945 at night if I get out early I go to the gym and run. I just bought a new running stroller for the kids are are taking it on its maiden voyage tomorrow. I am excited but I think they are more excited. I am hoping to jog a lot of the 4 miles. we shall see my legs and arms are so tired from the weights the other night i think monday I will start back to Insanity it really provides the best results in a short amount of time. But they are draining exercises. I am just pleased with the 50 lb weight loss but it just leaves me craving more, it obsesses me. literally!

Monday is trick-or-treating and I cant wait to take the kids I am sad Michael will miss it but hes with us in heart. WE are so looking forward to November. We have Michaels 30th bday on Thanksgiving my old man, my moms birthday, my brothers birthday. Whew! lots to come and of course Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for. Well I have to get off here life doesn't wait for me to blog. Kids are all tucked into bed, its crazy cold here BRRR...i have my fireplace going and my jammies on. I think I may even make apple cider. Fall is here baby.

Awesome

The memo may not have been gotten my kids are amazing, awesome, wonderful, smart, beautiful! Just saying.

Long October

I love the smell of cinnamon apple candles and pumpkin spice. Fall is a particularly warm time of the year even if the weather outside has the first inclination of cool air and falling leaves. There has always been something about Fall that brings that chestnuts roasting on an open fire feeling to our hearts and homes. Baking starts, decorations begin, arts and crafts, festivals, and fairs. Yes indeed fall is in the air. It has come to the Boone house, it seems a little less cozy and warm without my husband here to enjoy it with me but all the same blue jeans for the kids knit hats and jackets have been bought in anticipation of the cooler weather ahead. Michael has been gone for over 60 days now, and just 68 days until he comes home for Christmas vacation I cannot wait to see that man of mine. I miss him dearly. This is for the birds. However, the kids and I are doing well and him being gone has only made me thinner lol! I am now down 55 lbs (depending on how much coffee I drink in one day). I am enjoying getting back to pre-hannah weight but idealisticly i would like to loose about 40 more lbs. UGH! seems like it will never end. WE just passed midterms for college, and that mans 1.5 semesters left till graudation on May 12th. May that is going to be one buy month. Hannah will be 5 in April, Isabella will be 2 in May, I graudate in May, Hannah has her first ballet/tap revue in May, and Maria will be having baby #2 so in May I will be an Auntie again...I told her I would come up for a few weeks with the kids and help out. WOW! If I make it thru May we will be doing good. I do not anticipate Michael staying in the desert past graduation which will be nice. The money is great but we need him here. I am hoping he only stays until I graduate. Thats about all thats going on. Kids flew for the first time this month to NC and back that was interesting. We are preparing for pumpkins and costumes. Feeling like Fall and I may bake some apple bread. YUM!

And its Fall

Well another season has left and a new has begun. The temperatures really don't feel like fall here in MIssissippi. So much has been going on MIchael has been at his new job in Iraq for a month and a half now. It seems like eternity I miss him SO frecking much. BUt I am almost done with school so then we can move and he can work here in the states. It has been tough I have no help here the kids are of course a blessing but a handful all at the same time. I have 5 classes this semester and I feel like my cup is too full. Thats ok it will all pay off so soon I get to apply for graduation in like 2 weeks. YEAH! Gosh Isabella is a chatter box now shes 16 months old, Hannah is excelling at ballet and tap and they are both getting ready to join Kindermusik which I am stoked about I wanted to start her on classical piano apparently maybe a little to young. We are flying to NC this weekend coming for a quick trip. I am going to be an Aunt again Maria is pregnant what a blessing the Lord is great. so we are going to go celebrate, ther is a wedding to attend, then the big Cleveland county fair. Quick trip but thats all my schedule allots. We are going to Georigia for Thanksgiving rented a cabin and gonna do Calloway Gardens, and of course Michael will be home for his first vacation for Christmas which I am so excited about haven't told the kids not going to just gonna suprise them at the airport. We are truly blessed. We have joined a new church and are really enjoying it. Anyhow I am sitting her ein my bed listening to The Civil Wars because they are AMAZING! getting ready to chat up Michael and go to bed thank the Lord for another great day. God Bless.

Love like the Movies

IT seems like the best quotes, the best songs, the best moments are often captured on film. Is there room in life to have love like in the movies? So with no one scripting our lives or playing it scene by scene on tape is there, rather can their be a comparison to the perfection found on tape.Or is the beauty in the imperfections, the improvisation of life that makes the love, makes the beauty of reality far more outreaching and powerful than that of the movies. Sure P.S. I love you always makes makes you cry but come on he dies! Life is brilliant as it is mere mortals who write the scenes or publish the books that make us weak at the knees, teary at the sight, and envious of the words and love exchanged between our favorite characters. Love doesn't have to be like the movies it has to be real and tangible. Love is and always be transcended through scripts taken out of pages and regurgitated for our viewing pleasure and hope that in the end you can have a love more envious than that of the movies.  

End of Summer

So we are coming to the end of summer, sort of bittersweet. I am looking forward to a little cooler temps its well over the 100's here and HOT! Sucks cause you can't really take the kids out to do anything but play in water. Fall is on its way. It has been busy busy here. Hannahs excelling in ballet and tap shes so cute, Isabella is quite the chatterbox now and saying lots of new words she also knows most of her body parts now. Hannah told me today that she is a genuis. Its been hard since MIchael has been gone but I am suprised at how much stuff I can do all by myself. Never the less he is missed. I just started back to the fall semester at USM almost done will be applying for graduation soon. I have 5 classes this semseter so I am sure I will stay very busy. We hvae lots planned this fall. Halloween is coming I cant wait, then for Thanksgiving (which is MIchaels bday) we are going to Calloway Gardens in GA with the whole fam damily to see their light show and spend THanksgiving there in a cabin. SO looking forward to that, but not the drive. RIght after that its going to be Christmas we are hoping MIchael will be here hes still working out all of the details the base he is at is closing so he should be able to as long as there is enough manning. IF not he will be home for New YEars. We may celebrate Christmas in Florida I don't know thats a lot of stuff for Santa to bring to FL and bring back :) I am glad the door the military is finally closed sort of. in a year they will decide if they want to keep him temporarily retired or retire him fully. I hate the military and want to affiliation with them anymore and hopefully Michael wont have to deal with them either. Well got to go get Hannah in her ballet and tap clothes. I can't wait to see my little ballerina.

5 years...

Victor Hugo wrote to his wife, “When two souls, which have sought each other for, however long in the throng, have finally found each other ...a union, fiery and pure as they themselves are... begins on earth and continues forever in heaven. This union is love, true love... a religion, which defines the loved one, whose life comes from devotion and passion, and for which the greatest sacrifices are the sweetest delights. This is the love, which you inspire in me... Your soul is made to love with the purity and passion of angels; but perhaps it can only love another angel, in which case I must tremble with apprehension.”

I have been happily married to my husband for 5 years.
WoW! Can you believe it?
Victor Hugo was on to something there, he write what onlythe heart knows. I think our souls have always been trying to find each other and all of our lives have lead up to the moment that we could join each other. There is no sould, no heart I would rather be tetherd to for life. I have the most amazing husbad and best friend, I married a man that is the best father. If there is a checklist (never had one obviously look at my ex's) he met and exceeds all of my criteria.

My life with Michael has been a series of moments that are woven together to form a life that I am proud of. Moments have defined who we are as a couple and made us as strong as we are today. The night he asked me to marry him, the moment I said 'I Do', The moment I told him we were pregnant twice, the look in his eyes when we saw those beautiful babies for the first time, all the I love you's, the tears, the laughter. These are teh moments I cherish, these are the moments that define the couple that we are today. We are strong and united we are  unstoppable. My life did not truly begin until he came into my life. He makes me a better person, mother, friend. I wake up everyday wanting to be better than the day before and better the next. He inspires me, he is my Hugo. I love him everydya more than the last and I am going to wake up tomorrow and love him for another reason. I wish others could be so lucky to have a man like mine. I am looking forward to eternity because our love will surpass the lives here on earth. I cannot wait to be old with him!
Happy 5 year Anniversary

almost time

When they say that time passes you b y they mean it. Years ago seemed like just yesterday and yet years have still gone by. I am so excited Michael is now no longer in the military medically retired. YEAH! He has been referred for two air traffic jobs that he applied for with the DoD Homestead, Fl and Eglin AFB. Unfortunatly he has decided to go with Midwest because they are paying him so much money. SO MUCH MONEY! It is not all about the money of course but its a lot. We will be financially set at the end of a year for quite a while. It is also so I can finish my criminal justice bachelors. I am so close 8 classes 2 semesters Fall is almost here and I grauduate in Spring. But a year away is going to be hard he gets 2-2 week paid vacations they provide the plane tickets and everything so we will see him every 4.5 months. The kids are going to have a really hard time with it as well as myself. He leaves this sunday the 14th for Kansas City for 2 days then he flys to Shaw AFB for 2 days then he has a flight to Kuwait but he's going to Al Asad Iraq until Christmas until that base closes then he goes on to another base. I have mixed feelings about him going but I think its the best choice for our fmaily now then hes guaranteed a job here in the states and he will be they said 70-100% disabled thru the VA and thats another paycheck to just sit in the bank and we get retirement from the military. So we are all hopful this will all work out I am bummed our 5 year anniversary he will be in Shaw AFB, but what can you do? 5 years...amazing right! I am so excited.

Summers end

Its almost the end of July which means soon summer will be over and life as we have known it will all be different. Michaels official retirement is August 23rd of next month I know we are all excited about that, and the government is going to be paying us forever, hes going the the desert for a year and at the years end we ought to be better than well off. It is a hard trade. Michael has two amazing kids. They are not going to understand why daddy is going. It will be very hard I will be a single mother of two kids, I still have to finish school so they will have a nanny at nights for a few hours. Its a trade off now thats hard, but later will be most advantageous. Its going to be a change but its for the best. We move into our new 1700 sq ft apartment next week. I am pretty exctied about that we were gong to do a house, but I have never lived alone and it makes me nervous,, so we are living in a gated apartment complex that cost me more than a house. Its all happening so fast, I have 4 classees this summer semester-almost done, should all be A's of course. On a happy note one that I am very proud of 5 years this August. Wow! I know.  5 years. There have been many laughs, a few tears, joyous moments, 2 amazing children, and a small lifetime together already. I am excited for the day August 18th we can say 5 years. god has a plan for us and ours seems to be pretty good!

New beginnings

After 10 long years in the USAF, our time here is just about done like within 60 days of almost done. This is what we have been praying for for 2 years. We are blessed. They are going to TDRL hime (temporary medical retirement) we retain all our benifits and a paycheck as an added bonus. He is going to the desert on a contract for 1 year so I can finish my school before we leave Mississippi. My education is so important to me and I am like 7.5 months from graduation just 2 semesters left. Besides that financially we will be fairly well off its a lot of money. But in lew of that we will be missing him terribly. He gets 2 paid vacatiosn for 2 weeks at a time, but even with that he will be dearly missed. We are moving out of base housing in the next 2 weeks and I am excited I rented an apartment in Long Beach like 2 miles from my school, its a really nice apartment 1700 sq ft. Plenty for the girls and I, was gonna rent a house but I dont want all the upkeep and I feel safer behind a locked gate. Even though we have been wanting this for so long its so strange that it is all going to be gone in a sense, he will never return to active duty but we are sort of lingering they can do the TRL for the next 5 years, great as long as they continue it we get 3 paychecks the desert, VA, and the base, and anytime the government wants to give us money for no reason is ok with me. My husband has served 2 tours in Iraq its the least they can do. So thanks to everyone for all the prayers and concern. This is going to be a good thing. From there he will work in the states we just can't decide on the state we want to stay in FL, NC, SC...who kows. What I do know is that we are so very blessed, great amazing children and an amazing husband August will be 5 years....wow...

Summer classes are almost over and I am trying hard to stay on top of them even in lieu of the mounting things that we have to get done. I am hoping to not fall below at least B's but am expecting A's.  I am an A student I don't think I should have less than that. I am an honor student, I intend to graduate an honor student. August 5th I am so stoked up I am flying out all by myself to see my lifey in North Carolina and even though its Friday, Sat, and fly back Sunday I am so exctied. But this is the first time I have ever been away from my kids over night. Its going to be hard but necessary. I need a break with my bestest friend. We are all in such a good place right now. Things are happening. Hannahs going to preschool, Isabella is a terror of a 1 year old and certanitly keeps mommy on her toes. Life is such a blessing and we will continue to thank god everyday for it.

Will keep everyone updated, but for now....so much to do.

Truth

     Truth is nothing. What you believe to be true is everything.

Are we really here to seek the truth or our perception of the truth. We could say that the sky is blue but maybe someone else things its azul (i like crayola its the kid in me) now their truth may be slightly altered from what our reality or perception is but ones truth is not the others truth. Instead of arguing with people who seek to see the aquamarine in life we should applaud the differences and thank the starts we have people out there who do not just accept what someone else says as the truth. If we did this America would still be young and the world would still be flat. It is the few people who seek their own truth or to be the opposition pushing for a new truth an addendum to the norm. After all truth is just the state of being the case. So lets argue the case...I say I need to lose a bit more weight, my husband thinks i look great the way I am well his truth is jaded by love, lust, marriage, etc. Or from a more philosophical stand point his nature and nurture as a child has altered his perception of the way he sees things. I perhaps was raised to enjoy skinny and raised outside of the box. Plate said, "And isn't it a bad thing to be deceived about the truth, and a good thing to know what the truth is? For I assume that by knowing the truth you mean knowing things as they really are." Maybe it is good to be deceived as clinically I should lose 10-15 more pounds but were he not deceived by the truth perhaps his love would not be as great, or his lust as strong. Truth is relative in the grand scheme of things, the loss of trying to find the truth for ourselves, politically, environmentally, etc. is sad. Although we may never all ascertain the same answer or reasonably deduce logic to the same end point change and truth demand that we keep doing so. Seek the truth even if what it come to be is not he answer you hypothesized. When in the Scientific Method we get a solution other than what was hypothesized we get the change to figure out how to change, how to grow, and how to reevaluate our stances.

Slow down

“Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going to fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.” Eddie Cantor

I often wonder what i am missing in life by speeding through it never letting my window down to take in the fresh air. Have to remember although I can drive 65, sometimes its better to slow down and take my time. i have been so busy lately I tend to get wrapped up in my little time warp and get dizzy with the amount of things that are going on in our daily lives. I am going to try to committ to slowing down for 2 weeks on vacation next week. Classes are going to be over next week, My Hannah is 4 so that big ordeal is over, Isabella will be 1 soon we are going to Florida to celebrate her birthday and go to Disney and have a fun time scuba diving and swimming. Then I come back and go back to school for summer. GRRR...I have to remember although I am going fast now eventually I will pit stop after school is done and prepare for my next long term road trip, EMPLOYMENT. I have the most amazing family so I while still speeding I will still sing in the car, and turn around to smile at my beautiful babies, while holding my husbands hand

Creating my own reality

What are rose colored glasses? Sometimes I wish I had a pair, funny thing is that they are free! $0 down, no monthly fee...or is there? If I could see my world through rose colored glasses I would paint my own reality. Here's the thing people will just either see you as full of optimism or a fashion forward kind of thinker (yes you can actually buy some cute glasses and call it fashion, heck spandex has been called fashion)

My whole life I have heard people say you can't have your cake and eat it to (ok may be true), pull up your big girl panties and deal with it.Well maybe their glasses are no good, maybe they are blue and get them down, I shall let them try mine. Because what if I just don't want to pull up my panties? IS it wrong to take a day,a week, or even a month in my glasses for a break from normalcy, a break from all the stuff that clutters my mind? I want to put my heads in the clouds and wait for the skittles to fall down. So, I like to be commando, and I really love cake with buttercream frosting so I am probably going to eat it even if its not good forme (metaphorically). And FYI skittles are delicioso especially when they fall from the sky.

Maybe reality is better but, sometimes, wouldn't it be fun to put on your glasses and forget about the calories in the cake its calorie free. HA. No, you are not failing you have your glasses on today you are everything everyone wants you to be. Here's the thing somedays i would just like to alter my reality a bit, (*clause*not my kids of course they are AMAZING) I know that this is not a healthy attitude maybe I need to take them off and deal, but somedays the sunrise is nicer from my glasses than the dark of the night. I don't sleep much my brain is abnormal (like in Young Frankenstein "what braind did you get? Abby abby Normal, yes I think thats what it was), it never stops long enough to let me.

There are lots of things in my life that I am so thankful for. My life is sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows without the glasses. But today instead of facing the world in a 3D vivid color pallet I am hitting my shades, and gonna deal with it all tomorrow. After all tomorrow is another day. Just don't let me keep them on to long, I do have things I am going to have to deal with eventually, and they are not good to wear all the time, the may mask the pain, but they are taking away the very precious time in your lives. I just know that tomorrow when I take my glasses off and deal with it all I will be just fine, because thats how I roll strong woman, determined woman, a woman who deserves truth, love, JOY, and happiness.

*CAUTION* rose colored glasses do not take away the pain, the glasses come off eventually, it prolongs the inevitable, and does not mix well with alcohol.

“Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Nobody wants to read the small print in dreams.” Anne Landers

Merry month of March

Can it really be a beautiful 80 degrees out? Ah.... Busy weeks are upon us. We are patiently waiting Michaels MED board so we can get on with the FAA. WE just want out of the military, this is taking forever. We are ready to get out and start our real lives. We are applying for seperation we will see if it goes through. The girls are gorwing fast, Hannah is gonna be 4 in a little over a week, bella is 10.5 months old now. Gosh time goes by to fast. Anyhow we are still here still trudging forward. The two busiest people we know.. lol.. Time is moving by to fast. I keep trying to imagine our lives out of the military and it just seems so right. OF course who knows until it happens. Michael has been in 10 years, its going to be a big adjustment but one we are ready to make. We have been trying to get out for years. Thankful for all the military has offered us, but it has expired. Good money on the outside, and the freedom to make choices. Anyways, maybe we will take the job at Seymour Johnson NOT! Loserville. Ok gonna take a nap super tired midnight bed and 6am rise can wear a person outl

Another lonely day

These lyrics are really good.
Ben Harper "Another Lonely Day"

Yes indeed I'm alone again


and here comes emptiness crashing in

it's either love or hate

I can't find in between

cause I've been with witches

and I have been with a queen



it wouldn't have worked out any way

so now it's just another lonely day

further along we just may

but for now it's just another lonely day



wish there was something

I could say or do

I can resist anything

but temptation from you

but I'd rather walk alone

than chase you around

I'd rather fall myself

than let you drag me down



it wouldn't have worked out any way

and now it's just another lonely day

further along we just may

but for now it's just another lonely day



yesterday seems like a life ago

cause the one I love

today I hardly know

you I held so close in my heart oh dear

grow further from me

with every falling tear



it wouldn't have worked out any way

so now it's just another lonely day

further along we just may

but for now it's just another lonely day

Springtime

It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain

So it feels like spring here in Mississippi already..I LOVE spring we plant our garden: tomaotes, carrots, peas, onions, okra, cabbage, and basil.... and the air is so crisp (minus the copious amounts of pollen that have taken up residence on everything). I think I like spring mre than summer. All the pretty flowers are coming back the trees are waking up from hibernation. It is almost as if you can hear stretching their tired limbs. I really do love spring. Its high 70s here, still cool at night.  We bought the girls this HUGE blow up water park for their birthdays I can't wait to use it. I am so excited to lay at the beach and read my color nook. Ahhh...yes! Spring time is here. People get a bounce in their step, flip-flops become the new fashion accessory, and we all go back to the gym for last minute tone ups.

Spring also brings my babies birthdays. Hannah is going to be 4 in like 3 weeks (EEK) We are having a water party with a strawberry shortcake theme. Mrs. Isabella will be 1 in May(double eek). then theres Easter in between. Its gonna be a busy spring, i wounldn't know what to do if we weren't busy. Anyhow i hope everyone is stretching their limbs and geraing up for a great spring.

Woman behind the mirror

Pablo Picasso wrote, "Are we to paint what's on the face, what's inside the face, or what's behind it? So when I look at my face in the mirror I don't just see that my eyebrows aren't waxed today, or that I have an imperfection, or even the freckle on the left corner of my mouth. I see the inside. I see through the cornea to the soul. My soul my heart its had its beatings, but my reflection tells  story of being a face with a definition a story of my life. I have a few crows feet but those are probably from all the sun I got swimming growing up. I have a little dent by my temple, I am 100% sure it was chicken pox that i scratched because I am obsessive. Inside my mouth I chew the sides of my tongue those are battle scars of my mind I chew because I have so much going on its my outlet when I am brain dumping. These imperfections that we see are not imperfections they are life stories. Some we would rather hide and we do with makeup and mascara, even a smile sometimes, but all in all I love all of my imperfection they help to shape and define who I am today

memories

I was just thinking back on the last almost 5 years, being married to MIchael and my two beautiful daughters. They are so amazing. I cant believe Hannah is going to be 4 soon. It really seems like just yesterday. It has been the best 4 years of my life having her in it. I never knew what i was missing till she was here. Then there is m sweet spunky little Isabella. What a child. Every minute of the last 9 months has been better than I could have ever imagine. Hannah is the BEST big sister, the sweetest and most caring of big sisters. Isabella is so enamored with Hannah. She would follow her, and does, anywhere. I am so blessed to have them as my children. I love their little faces, their smell, their laughs. I love everything about them.

Anyhow so LOTS coming up. We are leaving next Friday for North carolina for a week mini vacation to see family. Then we come back and its Hannahs birthday, then Easter, and my Bella Boone turns 1....SO much happening in the next 2 months. Exams, midterms. Ahhh...I will be so happy when my B.A. is done. Well have to run cleaning the house Michaels mom is going to be here tomorrow haven't seen her in like 4 years.

Personal Victory

"In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves...self-discipline with all of them came first.”  Harry Truman

Ok even though the above quote is a bit sexist to the men, i feel like I am trying really hard to be self-disciplined and finally get a victory. I have been struggling with my weight since I had Hannah, then Isabella. Although I wouldnt trade it for all the six packs in the world I am still left with a csection scar and a lot of extra weight. I have finally decided to do something about it and stop letting it run my life I am gonna run it. It is gonna take a LOT of work but I finally feel like i am at a place in my life that I am ready to take that step and make the change. I think that I need to stop complaining and just get started on it. Life for me has been a series of many set backs and many victories, I am ready to conquer something else. I know in the end that the damage has been done, but its worth the change and not just for me but for my kids. I want them to ahve a healthy lifestyle to know that Big Macs and burgers are not the way to a healthier lifestyle. It for us is a convience thing we are so busy a lot of times we fall back on fast food, but it isn't a crutch anymore its a wheelchair. So lets make changes. Lets start today.

purpose

John F. Kennedy wrote, "Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction." But what happens when your efforts are railroaded and your direction is suddenly changed? There are always winds of change upon us, and like a leaf that gusts into the wind their paths are full of turmoil their course is unknown you just always hope where ever that leaf is traveling ends up in that pond that's in the pictures. Although the wind was rough it found that tiny little leaf a soft spot to land. I suppose one could find a metaphor in about everything in life, but I think this quote speaks volumes.

Life is full of windy gusts, but I think as long as you have your soft spot to land you will end up bruised but not broken. Maybe that's why I have been so lucky my whole life. I have had a lot of wind, on occasion even a tornado, but I always come back to my soft spot. For me my soft spot are my babies. I have had such a long week but its the nights this week that have provided me with comfort, and direction. i remember my purpose in life when I am laying in bed Hannah is holding my hand and we fall asleep, her chest up and down in and out. Isabella every smile on that adorable sweet little face reminds me that my purpose in life is to love them unconditionally and smother them in bushels and pecks. Effort and courage are not enough, but when you have such an amazing place to fall back to it makes all the wrong turns lead you back to the right direction.


My life has been filled with lumps and bumps, heartache, and happiness but I think my whole direction or purpose is leading me to the best years of my life, respectively. My journey has lead me to find out the person I am (even though i still have a lot of growing to do) and who I want my children to remember me for. That old saying about whose coming to your funeral and what will they say about you...some people say who cares I'm dead, but great people are the ones who are remembered, their stories are reverberated throughout time and sometimes what they do and say or who they were means more after death to the people still around. I want Justin Beiber to come to my funeral and sing...not! Find your path or your direction but fall a lot on the road its what makes the end resolve that much sweeter. The end is just as important as how you got there

Figured it out

Oh my goodness to say that I am drowning is an understatement. I love the people who have enough time to sit around and be self proclaimed "lazy". I am exhausted. I get up at 5:30 am go to the gym home by 7 am when the girls are up. I get my babies fed and I take a shower (Michael is usually up also) then I get dressed its kissed goodbye to the family and I am off to school for the day. I am home everyday by 2:30 so Michael can be to work by 3pm (so I can go to school during the days) I see him maybe 15-20 minutes in passing. He comes home for dinner from 6-7. He works till Midnight, some nights we even have cheerleading in the mix. I have 6 classes, so when the girls are in bed at 8, its pick up the house a bit do last minutes stuff sit here and do reading and papers until midnight when MIchael gets home and its back to the same thing the next day. Now I have to add in making my LSAT amazing, and making my take me to law school application amazing also. I have to maintain my 4.0 so I can getinto whatever law school we end up being near. Michael works 2 jobs, and is also finishing his BA degree online, and we are just exhausted. This is a lot. I also have an 8month old (very active and very sick this week) and an almost 4 year old (also very active and very sick this week). I keep wondering when it is going ot be out time to be "lazy". I think for the first time in 26 years (yes I have aged another year) that I am just ready to call it all quits and take a damn break. I just want my kids to see school is good, you can do it..you can do anything you set your mind to. I also go on weekends and buy pizzas and deliver them to the homeless. I have to start saying no, or I have to cut something, or God needs to rethink his 24 hours in a day plan and extend it by at least 2 more hours. I wish I were rich enough to be senile. Oh well, thats my rant. Thats my rave. Now its time to get off my soap box pull my big girls panties up and keep dealing with it. Bella is crawling around the house crying wanting mommy to hold her, and hannah wants me to cuddle with her...if only I had another me. Wouldn't that be great. Good day!

26 and still counting...

So we just surpassed the big 26 years old. I have to say that I don't feel any different.We never do do we. Its not life at the stroke of midnight my body and mind go through some magical mystical change. Still, it seems to be a mind set that comes along with birthdays. 25 was a pretty good year, had another baby...my body is still worn down from that, but luckily in the 26th year there will be a laserlipo tummy tuck to fix the damage of a c section, having my scar removed and it will be relocated, and having the flap of skin thats created removed. While I feel like the most guilty person in the world to spend that amount of money on myself, I feel like its a necessary move in order to mentally procure my happiness. I love my kids more than anything in teh world, I just had really big babies who stretched my skin. I saw the dr, and he said no amount of exercise would get rid of the "flap" of skin. So this year, my 26th year, I am going to make a better body creating a better mental state. THeres nothing worse than being down about your body. So its back to the gym, I need to start training for a career in law enforcement (DEA) I have a personal trainer, a gyn (that I never go to) so everyday after class on my way home I am committing to the gym for a minimum of 1 hour. Its really hard when we are so busy to commit that time. I have 5 more classes to finish this semester, and mentally I am ready. WE are also no eating out for 1 month. WE lost a lot of weight doing that last time, and we saved a ton of money. The majority of our money goes to eating out. (WHY?) WE did it once before and it was really hard, we all become dependant, but my kids need a healthier way of eaing and living also. Break the fast food chain. So I am excited this year about 26, I am hoping its my year of resolve.

Cynicism...

Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness."

~Charlie Chaplin

I would like to think that I am not a cynical person. I like to feel like I have a ton of humanity...but as people we are all clever and perhaps we have fooled outselfs into thinkning that we are good, noble, kind people.Perhaps we aren't-I am sure with every good deed there are ten to replace them. Maybe cynicism is all in the way that the person or people percieve it to be. Maybe what I think it is is not how another person takes it to be. With anything in life there is the grey and white side to everything. There isn't anything black and white theres always a medium. So are you cynical or just having a bad day?

Liberation

      What is Liberation? It is at its simplest for freedom. Emancipation of expression. We all like to say we are liberated people, we are forward thinking, open minded people. Is that really true? Are we ever really liberated from society. Society has set a standard they have inadvertently taken away our freedoms to openly talk, and discuss the hard stuff out of fear of not being politically correct.

      The beauty of being people isn't that we should be stifled, but that we should be rejoiced as individuals. We don't all have to believe in gay marriage (but we should all be tolerable) We don't all have to like the president, there should an allowance for a difference of opinion, and way of thinking. We still cannot openly discuss things like race because it fuels turmoil, why can't we have a candid conversation about race on any cultural background. We cannot let words tear down nations, tear down people, being descriptive and different sometimes can yield new resolve. f we keep having the same old conversations, the same oppressed conversation there will never be a change. We should not tiptoe around words in fear of our liberation being taken away or being martyred as a fool. In 2011 we should all try to liberate ourselves from being oppressed of saying the things that are on our minds. Set your words free, make new ideas, stir up change in an otherwise stagnate pond.

      Albert Einstein said, “The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self.” Who cares if people don't agree they don't have to that's their freedom and right, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't have the conversations that matter.

WoW another yeah already?

So its 2011....I am so stinking excited about 2011 for my family.

2010 was amazing and I hate that it was over so fast. Hannah celebrated the big 3 years old, and has become the most beautiful, imaginative, astonishing child you will ever meet. We also welcomed Miss Isabella in May...what an amazing addition to our family. She is like an old soul she is sweet, caring, cuddly, and just a wonderful child. She is 7 months old now crawling. babbling, pulling up on everything..gone are the days of my nick nacs until she stops trying to digest everything she touches. I love to watch my daughters they love each other so much. There hasn't been any jealousy issues just so much pure love between sisters. Michael finished his AA in 2010 is almost done with his BA, he continues to thrive at work, and we are looking forward to ending out lifes with the military and moving to the civilian sector where we continue to get job opportunities. I finished my AA with 3 days to spare before Miss Bella was born. Graduation was great took the summer off and I am at USM now finishing my degree in Criminal Justice. Where I hope to get into the DEA or another agency. My future always seems so bright. But as any mother my priority is going to be my children and my husband. Michael has struggled with medical problems and I stay strong for him, and we know that the Lord always has our best interest at heart. Speaking of My husband we have been married over 4 years now and cannot wait for 5 this year. We have had minor setbacks as a couple but over the last 4 years we have learned to move together gracefully and inseperably.

So 2011, ITs gonna be a big year. I cannot divulge everything on here but I can say we are in for big change. we are hoping if its in Gods will to med board us out of the military before the n of the year-MIchael will leave for the desert for 1 year (who can turn down the amount of money they are offering) and then we will settle in the states where teh FAA sees fit. They still want us in Amarillo, but I dont want to be that far from family. Other big things in 2011, I get to see my lifey get married in May-yeah! So thats a trip to NC I am super excited we are making a 2 week trip out of it and staying at the beach for a week with Maria, Jason, and Jay. I cant' wait. Hannah will be starting school here in a few months, she is starting cheerleading. Isabella will be 1. WOW! We are all flyng to NC for spring break. ITs gonna be a good year, good change, good family and friends. I feel revitalized. I am having my tummy tuck get rid of this awful c section thing, loosing the weight from these two kids and getting back in teh gym paing for the membership might as well use it. SO our futures are bright. I am very excited about the new year and the improved us.